Convincing or Instructing

To convince someone, tell them why, then how, then what, in that order. To give an instruction, tell someone what, and time permitting, consider sharing the how, and why, in a reverse of the previous sequence.

Simon Sinek’s insightful Start With Why TED Talk took about 15 minutes to change how I would give all presentations forever after. Intrisically it’s known that you have to share the motivation of why anyone should care about what you have to say. But based on the evidence of so many terrible talks you’ve both attended, and presented yourself, you know how easy it is to fail on this point.

The one paragraph summary is that when selling someone on a new idea, you should start with why, then explain how, followed by the what. By starting with why you share your beliefs which are what convinces people to follow you. The how expands on the practical methodologies and processes, while the what describes tangible outcomes and actions. Usually people use the reverse when communicating.

Starting with why is an honest and effective tactic to combat disengagement with your content. Forcing you as the presenter to justify the importance of the topic to yourself to begin with, gives you a bar of quality that you must beat before you can begin. If you cannot even convince yourself this is worth sharing, how can you convince a room full of people who have no reason to care about it? The work is front loaded into the job of convincing the audience. Even if you lose them halfway through the talk, if the motivation has been successfully shared, you’ve likely succeeded in your overall mission of getting the listener to consider a change to their mindset, behaviour, and actions.

It’s an addictive feeling, convincing people. As a people manager, you might be tempted to try to convince people more and more often. If you work at a company that values growth, communicating why is the route to progression. By sharing why something is important, you are training those around you to understand why you care, and why something should be done a certain way. When the time comes to take on a new challenge, you are free to leave to do so because the people around you already know why your current responsibilities are being handled a certain way.

Given the number of decisions you need to make as a leader though, always sharing the why is like driving with the handbrake on. Not every conversation is a growth opportunity or learning experience. Sometimes, you just need the spreadsheet updated.

Perhaps the reason Sinek has to state explicitly that the order should be the reverse of how we normally think, is because this is how we usually give instructions: starting with what.

Some people pull and others push. Some will actively ask to learn from you, while others may expect you to push what is important to them, as you see fit. As a people manager you will constantly adapt your leadership style for the environment, scenario, and most significantly of all, the individual. This is the key lesson of the brilliant management book First, Break All The Rules.

One way I’ve adapted for individuals who want to pull information, is by having a conversation with them about how instructions will be delegated. The desired outcome is stated to the individual i.e. the what. They might prefer to get the ‘why’ first. They might want a recap of the ‘how’. But this is the order the instruction is coming in: what, first; how, if the way to achieve the outcome isn’t known, second; and why to conclude, only if after being shown how, there is still confusion threatening the path to success.

Yes, yet another management skill to keep in balance. How often are you convincing versus instructing?